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The Parting by ~Bethuel09:iconBethuel09:

Categories Literature > Poetry > General Poetry > Open


They leave us
Though painful it maybe
Another life awaits them on the other shores
So beautiful
So brilliant
So wise
They leave us to the discord of the human world
They do not look back
They do not regret
We are the bearers of sorrow and grief
We are the bearers of evil and malice
The sea has called them
With soft words she sings to them a song
And on white wings they travel
The sea calls
One by one they leave behind the pain and the sorrow
They go to white shores and beyond.....
©2005-2009 ~Bethuel09
:iconbethuel09:

Author's Comments

um this is about expecific creatures which simply fisinate me to no end

Comments


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:iconpinkymccoversong:
`PinkyMcCoversong Jun 23, 2005, 12:09:51 PM
first off, i would take this apart and put it back together using sentences, and then use line breaks and enjambment for emphasis. be careful with adjectives, as they can often get in the way. i think you have some great imagery here and the poem has a lot of potential.

--
< GunShyMartyr > PinkyMcCoversong: o hi asl plz
< PinkyMcCoversong > GunShyMartyr: ask again in a cockney accent
< GunShyMartyr > ELLO daaaahling, what's yah name then. giveus a kiss would ya love? yer eighteen roite?
:iconbethuel09:
~Bethuel09 Jun 23, 2005, 12:18:09 PM
mmh thnx i think ill do that if i dont forget to it should be interesting

--
~Certainty of death, small chance of sucess, what are we waiting for?~ Gimli son of Gloin

~hmm I suppose that concludes negotiations~ Gimli son of Gloin
:icontororo:
~Tororo Jun 24, 2005, 10:22:55 AM
It sounds so mystic, and it sounds so natural, i like this one alot.
(Oh and while im saying this your saying by on chat so. BYE!!! c ya laters ^^!)
:iconbethuel09:
~Bethuel09 Jun 24, 2005, 2:03:54 PM
really? thnx, i kinda wanted it to sound like that makes me feel good that it did

--
~Certainty of death, small chance of sucess, what are we waiting for?~ Gimli son of Gloin

~hmm I suppose that concludes negotiations~ Gimli son of Gloin
:iconsylvanashala:
~Sylvanashala Jun 27, 2005, 5:13:09 AM
Very pretty!! I like this alot...feels sort of mysterious, sad, and yet still peaceful. Very good piece. :)

--
". . . into the depths i looked
only to be swallowed by the darkness. . ."



Art -- ~ThroughSapphyreEyes
:iconbethuel09:
~Bethuel09 Jun 27, 2005, 12:57:42 PM
thnx a lot

--
~Certainty of death, small chance of sucess, what are we waiting for?~ Gimli son of Gloin

~hmm I suppose that concludes negotiations~ Gimli son of Gloin
:iconsylvanashala:
~Sylvanashala Jun 27, 2005, 1:03:34 PM
you are most welcome. :)

--
". . . into the depths i looked
only to be swallowed by the darkness. . ."



Art -- ~ThroughSapphyreEyes
:iconichigokurata:
~ichigokurata Jul 14, 2005, 10:06:44 AM
Hmm.. honestly, there could be a bit less breaking of the words, possibly a few commas and periods at the end of things. :nod: Like the imagery, though.

--
DEAD.

Try =ayuICHI.
:iconbethuel09:
~Bethuel09 Jul 27, 2005, 9:51:30 AM
hmm yes i am sorry i did not respond to this sooner.......but yes....i really need to um get the technicalities in mind......

--
~Certainty of death, small chance of sucess, what are we waiting for?~ Gimli son of Gloin

~hmm I suppose that concludes negotiations~ Gimli son of Gloin
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